Time

It goes by so fast. Before I know it, it's the weekend again.

My apologies for the less frequent updates. It's a combination of a few things:

1) I received a promotion at the first of the year. I guess it should have occurred to me that along with the fancy new title comes a fancy new stack of work. I work a lot from home and though the view from my "office" is great, I would rather be outside participating in the view! So I have been consumed with work.

2) Not much has been happening at our farm. We are just doing the daily things, trying to get from one day to the next. We have worked a bit on the ceiling in the dining room, but the progress is really too slow to get excited about.

3) I am somewhat disenchanted. That's probably not the right word. Maybe a little depressed, maybe discouraged, not sure. I was really serious about the organizational stuff I wrote about earlier. That kind of thing eats me inside. I'm tired of looking at a mess, and not having the money to do a complete transformation. Oh sure, we have the money for this, that and the other, but not the $50,000 it would take to have someone come in and do what we need done in a short period of time.

We bought the house knowing full well what needed to be done. This isn't a surprise. Nothing has been a surprise, except how much I love this place. I didn't expect to love it this much. And we bought it wanting to do the work on our own. We realized it would be slow and (hopefully) steady.

I had a talk with someone at work, and he told me to stop caring so much. Not to care what people think. I can say that I'm not too judgemental of a person, but if I saw someone living in a house with walls like mine -- that was content to live like that for a long period of time-- I would wonder what is up with them. I think that my discomfort with the situation motivates me to change it. So how do I strike the balance between caring enough to motivate myself to get these things done, and caring so much that I am beside myself with anxiety that the work is not getting done fast enough?

When I am pressed for time because of work, I can't get anything accomplished. At the moment, I am staring at a pile of work. Work for work. I am looking at about 4 loads of laundry that need to be done. I can see a messy kitchen, carpets needing to be vacuumed, a bathroom needing to be cleaned. B will be home soon and I have not yet started supper.

And so I blog.