It’s a Pizzle, fo’ shizzle

Yep, this post will not be for the squeamish or prudish. Because if we can talk about poop, we can talk about male anatomy.

It’s just a curious thing, as a relatively new livestock owner, to see how these animals behave.

First it was the stallion. Of course, he is “ready and willing” at a moment’s notice, and that was to be expected. We could both handle that. And that he was so, um, aptly equipped, was also something that was not a shock—he IS a horse, and there is some truth to that age-old expression… But I digress.

One day we were wondering what on earth he was doing, as he was standing in the corner of the pasture, just chilling out with his head down, and his, um, “Little Major” very much awake. After a few minutes, it was apparent: self-gratification. But, mind you, he can’t REACH it. So the whole thing was over with in a few moments, with him just moving it strategically. B was quite impressed, and I think his actual quote was, “WOW. No hands. That.Is.Some.Skill.”

But I digress again, as this discussion is about goats. Isn’t it always about goats?

So wethers are just like girls, for the most part, in their behavior. They all do try and mount each other for pecking order, but that is no big deal. Our kids have coined the term “doing the victory dance.” Which is quite appropriate. Who will be victorious as the one in charge?

But bucks. Well, bucks are a different animal altogether. They are known for their rude sexual behavior. I remember studying about satyrs in art history, and they are half goat and half man, and are symbolic of sexual prowess (and “drunken revelry” as McGraw Hill defines it). So the goat image is appropriate.

While goats can reproduce all year, they do have a mating season which begins, funnily enough, right about now. Bucks go into rut, and they stink to high heavens. Frankly, I don’t think Wolfgang stinks all that badly right now, though I am told to expect much worse. I think I can handle it if it doesn’t get too much worse. To me it doesn’t really stink, it smells a lot like a dairy smell, like a cow barn. But right now it’s not too intense.

Another of their attractions to the female is that they constantly pee on everything, mostly themselves. They have an “attachment” called a pizzle, and it helps them, notsomuch aim, but actually create a fine mist of spray that covers everything around it. They have a knack for successfully aiming for their beards. Why goat chicks find that impressive, I don’t know. But they do.

So why do I feel compelled to discuss this? Well, I am preparing Wolfie for an upcoming show in September, and I am trying to work the rudeness out of him. After a few days, he is really cleaning up nicely (behavior-wise). I will get a fitting stand tomorrow and will clip him and bathe him and see what else we need to do to get him tip-top before the show. But yesterday I recall *twice* thinking that he was amazingly calm as I coached him to stand with his head on my knee and pose for the (imaginary) judge. And both times, I looked down to find him spraying all over my shoes and ankles.

Let me just state for the record, that if you pee on me, I reserve the right to blog about your anatomy.