The kidding doe's secret code of honor is as old as goats themselves and is ultimately the species best kept secret. This guide is passed on from generation to generation in hopes that NO goat shall ever produce a kid before its time.
Its time being determined by the following factors:
1. No kid shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your house must be a wreck, your family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and your social life non-existent.
2. Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before you kid out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence means you're getting close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, kidding must be delayed by at least one day for each item.
4. Vet check, add a day…internal, add three! If you hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready…you will be fine, while I'm away for the weekend," then wait 12 to 16 hours and pop that baby out!
5. Owner's stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you're getting close. When you hear the words, "I can't take it anymore!"…wait three days and produce a baby.
6. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are necessary! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
7. The honor of all goats is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your barn mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. Oh, they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this time.
8. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have this baby, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe thunderstorm warnings is what your looking for. In the heart of the storm jump into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
9. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the barn to check on you. Your barn mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too!
If all else fails and they seem to be in constant attendance, time the delivery to when they rush to the bathroom for 2 minutes, or try to look perfectly comfortable so they rush for a "quick bite".
10. Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special goats are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful doe to carry on the goat code of honor for the next generation of those who wait!
–Author Unknown
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