Guilt.

It all started this morning. I awoke at 8:30! That is like a 3-hour sleep in! And it felt really, really good. I got up, but decided to go back to bed and snooze until 10:00 am! The horses thought I had died. I dragged myself out there about 10:15, and did the usual batch of chores. But I was just not interested in getting them done. I didn’t have the strength, or the desire.

We are now giving the horses free-choice hay, as keeping them eating continuously helps them to stay warm during the cold weather. We have 14 big round bales of hay, and we use them in the paddock for when the horses are outside. We feed alfalfa inside the barn 2x a day, but we decided to not let the round bales go to waste. So we moved 2 of them into the barn, and we have to tear the hay off the round bales for the horses 2x a day. It’s a heckuva lot of work. And it takes longer for me to do the chores.

So, I had extra work today, and didn’t feel like doing that. Actually, writing this reminds me that my butt still has to get out there and do the work—the temperature is going to get into the low single digits tonight, and it’s supposed to be a high of like 12 tomorrow. I would MUCH rather do that today when it is a reasonable temperature than doing that in frigid air tomorrow. I should go out and pull a bunch of hay off of the bale. Arrgh!

I came inside and am working on making treats. I decided to go with my thoughts about a basket of treats for some people for Christmas. I always give my family photos of the kids for Christmas in a nice frame. So I thought I would add a nice touch by giving them some goodies as well. I’ve made fudge, popcorn balls, chocolate mint candies and iced pretzels. I am working on chocolate truffle candies, and will then make some toffee. I am going to make them as teacher gifts, too. It’s something I like to do, and is much more appealing than stepping outside to do some manual labor in sub zero weather.

I also have Christmas presents to wrap and pack into boxes to get out early this week. Of course, there are still more prezzies to buy, and a trip into town is planned for this afternoon.

And I have a stack of Christmas cards to send. I made them this year, I used a photo of B and me at one of the bridges of Madison County. I turned it into a black and white photo, and am using a colored pencil to color the bridge just a hint of red. It looks really cool, actually. But I have 50 of them to color. And I have to write the Christmas letter. And address the envelopes.

Did I mention the 5 loads of clean laundry I need to fold and put away?

But, it’s freezing in here, it’s freezing-er outside. It’s really gray. And I’d love more than anything to just get my Scottish wool blankie and snuggle up on the couch with a cup of warm cider and snooze to a CD of Christmas music.

I keep thinking that I wouldn’t feel satisfied at the end of the day. But I would! I know I would just have the most wonderful day if I did that. Unfortunately, my to-do list would still be there tomorrow, and I’d have less time to get it all done.

I hate being a grownup!! Too much guilt.