I woke up this morning having had a terrible dream. My dream wasn’t about the loss of anyone I love, thank God, but I had a dream that we sold our farm and moved into town.
Our “new” house was an old house, and on 8.8 acres (why do I remember that?). I have no recollection of why we sold it, and the whole process of “saying goodbye.” I just recall the vivid dream about moving into the new house and looking at the neighbors’ homes all around (our land in my dream was a long and skinny patch). I started sobbing, and asking “What about my goats?” Of course, dreams are not rational, as in my real world I would have thought in the normal course of homebuying I would have ASKED about the goats before signing my life away! However, it was very significant to me to feel the pain of finding myself somewhere other than where I am now, even in a place that would have been heaven to someone else (large tract of land, big huge trees, lots of shade, a paved road!). I was devastated. I sobbed and cried and begged to move back. I repeatedly wailed, “I made a mistake! This is horribly wrong! Is there any way we can move back?!”
Sometimes I can wake myself up from a dream, or tell myself in the dream that I shouldn’t worry, it is only a dream. Not this time. It was very real, and when I woke up with tears on my face, they quickly turned to tears of joy! I’m not going ANYWHERE!!
I hugged B and told him I had just had the most horrible dream. He mumbled a consolation and told me to go back to sleep… (not a morning person)
Instead, I came downstairs and am enjoying the quiet, cool morning. I can hear the raindrops on the roof of the bathroom (served as a back porch in another life, before bathrooms inside were necessary). I am curled up under my snuggly blanket with three cats on the couch.
I need to go out for morning chores, and I am a little late. I think the animals will forgive me as I sit here just being thankful.
