An Open Letter to Bubba

Dear Bubba-

I have truly enjoyed your patriotism these last couple of days! It seems that this holiday has really brought out the party animal in you!

I have especially enjoyed your music. Despite all I said about you, you really do have great musical taste. It’s great that you can play it loud enough so that we all can hear it. I’m sure you know about the echo in the valley, so you must be enjoying the fact that it’s being heard for miles around! Madison County must be impressed with your stereo system!

Having said that, I am curious about the folks joining you for the celebration. Are those folks your kin? What about that shirtless boy walking along the road picking up wood for your fires? We weren’t sure what to make of him, and given the fact that we’d never seen him before, we didn’t automatically trust him, as he ambled down the roadside collecting firewood like a nomad collecting cans for money for his next meal. We had to run into town, so we left our dogs loose in the house, just in case. We didn’t notice until we came back that he was part of your celebration.

Speaking of dogs, I have been meaning to chat with you about your dogs.

Bubba, did you know that the law here in Iowa says that if a dog is harassing livestock, that they can be shot? So, yesterday, when I was riding in the north pasture, and your dogs came barking at Major and me, that would have been grounds for a little target practice.

I know that these legal terms are confusing, so let me help you:

ha·rass vt : to persistently annoy, attack, or bother somebody

Now, I know you know what annoy means! And I know you know all about shooting, I heard you a couple of weekends ago! Persistent means on and on, again and again. You know, like how many times your dogs get out. Those dogs sure are persistent!!

Back to the livestock subject, we have goats now. I saw your dogs with your landlord’s cows—they think they have finally found a job herding their own cattle. But did you see how that one man chased your dogs on horseback? He was not practicing his cow cutting, Bubba, he was actually trying to keep your dogs from destroying his livelihood! And while these goats are not our livelihood, they are our friends, and our property. So we would appreciate it if you found a herd of your own for your dogs to mind, or better yet, CONFINE THEM.

Defending is an instinct for your dogs. Did you know that? That might give a good explanation for why, the other night, when we were dog-sitting MK’s dog, and B took her out for a walk last thing before bed, that your dogs decided to run from the depths of our property and bark at him like he was bringing some stranger on their land. I realize that maybe you think that your dogs are helping me out by keeping strangers and their dogs from my land, but I think we’re okay in that department.

I did a little searching on the internet, Bubba, and I found an Iowa law that might interest you:

Citation: I. C. A. § 351.27
Summary: This Iowa statute makes it lawful for any person to kill a dog, wearing a collar with a rabies vaccination tag attached, when the dog is caught in the act of worrying, chasing, maiming, or killing any domestic animal or fowl, or when such dog is attacking or attempting to bite a person.

Statute in Full: It shall be lawful for any person to kill a dog, wearing a collar with a rabies vaccination tag attached, when the dog is caught in the act of worrying, chasing, maiming, or killing any domestic animal or fowl, or when such dog is attacking or attempting to bite a person.

Oh, and in case things are a little fuzzy today after your “celebrations” the past few days:

lawful=okay
domestic animal=goats, pigs, sheep, cows, horses, other dogs, cats (pretty much anything on our farm now and in the future)

I think it’s clear that your dogs have worried my animals (Major seemed quite concerned Saturday), and Cleo hates dogs.

I’m actually not clear about where the law stands on dogs “frequenting” our fields. I have seen them in the hay field, and in the soybeans. This might surprise you, but horses won’t eat hay that’s been pooped on. And I don’t know if the dogs dig, poop, or just run through the soybean field. But it would be great if they stopped any and all of the above. Both of these ventures are not going to make us rich, but they will provide more income if they were not hindered by the presence of your dogs!

Now, that’s not to say that we will kill your dogs, as we are generally peaceful folks. But we will definitely be invoking that law to ensure the safety of our animals, especially the goat kids that, unlike Kitten or Cleo, don’t have large hooves and back legs with which to defend themselves. I’m sure the Madison County Sherrif would be pleased to come out and see your dog setup and chat with you about the necessity of keeping your dogs on your property.

Maybe you can offer him some of that moonshine while he enjoys your illegal fireworks show!

Also, I am not sure if you know this or not, but we have our own dogs. So, not only do we have two that keep us company—and we don’t need yours for that—we have two that make enough of a mess in our yard to keep us busy cleaning it up for a long time. I imagine that your yard is quite tidy, given that you send them over here to do their business. But give us a break! We have the poo of at least 10 animals to clean every day! And yes, we do notice when 3 more animals show up.

Well, Bubba, other than this several-times-a-day, colossal nuisance, and the recent shifty kinfolk roaming the roads, we have truly enjoyed the entertainment that your family has provided. It would just be grand, however, if you could keep your dogs away from our animals and out of our fields.

Do you like my new slogan: It’s not just neighborly, it’s the law! Let's say it together!

And we’re making a pact now to uphold OUR end of the law, which means, if you like your dogs, you should uphold yours!

Love,

Your neighborly neighbors