Having “The Talk” With Your Kids

Have you had the talk with your kids?  No, not THAT talk—we had that ages ago, and the kids are well aware of that process, being on a farm.  The talk I am referring to is the “I am not your slave!” talk, and it might be more of a rant, a yell, or even an explosion, than an actual talk.

We have had that talk for several days in a row.  I’m convinced my kids appease me and think, “Mom’s just off her meds again, give her a couple of days” but I am just sick of feeling like B & I have to do everything around here!  Or, that the things that need to be done are MY responsibility, and if I ask someone to do it, then they are doing ME a favor.  If I ask them to clear their dishes from the table, then they are doing me a favor.  If I ask them to put their own laundry away, then they are doing me a favor.  I struggle to get them to understand that this home is OUR home, and we all have to work together to keep it clean and neat.

Teenagers are giant toddlers.  I think of a toddler as a huge liability in time and effort.  You dress them, and they get dirty.  You clean something up, you turn your back and the toddler has dumped it out again.  However, when we had toddlers, we knew what we were in for.  Some of us did not work outside of the home, and if we did, we lined up daycare.  We had seats that we could strap them into, so we could contain the mess.  They make bibs and babyproofing stuff for toddlers.

But it's different with teenagers.  They go through the house like a whirlwind, making messes and demands like a toddler, but there is no teenage proofing of your house.  They roar through this place and then need to go to football practice.  You can’t put them in a chair and tell them to sit still and not mess up their room.  Well, you CAN, but it doesn’t work.  Their messes are huger, their demands greater, and their attitude STINKS!  You can usually get a smile out of a toddler if you tickle their chin.  If you tickle your teenager’s chin, you usually get shrugged away and a dirty look.  They tell you they hate you, you’re unfair, you don’t understand, and they're running away.  Toddlers fall asleep on your chest, and you can snuggle their hair.

On the other hand, when the teenagers help, they really help.  They can pitch in and make a job go fast.  You can talk to them and they really "get it."  Therein lies the frustration.  I am just having trouble getting them motivated.  Don’t tell me about losing or gaining money or privileges, that doesn’t work for my kids.   What seems to work is to get them to understand where I am coming from, have compassion for my position, and make a change.  But so far, my ranting hasn’t helped.

Maybe they will come around.  Or at least I can count the days until they will be on their own and will learn about pitching in and helping (or doing it all themselves).  But, by then I will miss them terribly, them AND their messes.