Hired Help

Allow me to take a moment to introduce the hired help at our farm. They all operate on the basic premise of “will work for food” but the amount of work they actually do varies from employee to employee. We pride ourselves on our hiring practices, so some of our help have multiple job titles.


Name: Raven
Job Title: Motherer of all that breathes
Raven is the four-legged mother. She is kind, loving, and full of compassion. She is always willing to use the forlorn look to get her way, especially if “her way” involves a rawhide bone or food of any sort. Her special talent is catching food in mid-air. She also likes to eat horse apples. Her breath could drop a herd of charging rhinos in mid-gallop anyway, and adding apples to her diet really doesn’t improve things. She hates to have her picture taken, so this photo is basically a dirty look at the camera.


Name: Rocky
Job Title: Wearer of the Dunce Cap, Stuffed Animal Destroyer, Fearer of Friendly Cats, HazMat Drill Team Leader
You know when a guy is going on a blind date, and the matchmaker says, “she’s got a great personality?” So it is with Rocky. He really has a great personality, and his looks are pretty good, too. However, he is dumb as a bag of hammers. Usually this provides us with some humor, so it has value, but his low IQ does, at times, make it difficult to establish order. He does not sit well, does not lie down well, has no ability to speak, shake, roll over, fetch, or any other trick that Raven can do. But he loves us very much, and we love him. Rocky’s breath is sweet, but his gas makes up for it. He also shakes visibly when approached by a cat looking for something warm to curl up next to.


Name: Shadow
Job Title: King of Crank, Heavyweight Champ, Bad-Ass Wannabe, Heat Seeker
Shadow is the King of Crank. He always has a scowl for everyone. He is the typical bitter old man, angry at the youth for being young. He has everyone beat in the age and weight department. Somehow he does have redeeming qualities, and I love him dearly! He especially likes to be warm and if anyone is curled up under a blanket, you will find him there, too.


Name: Nic
Job Title: Havoc-wreaker apprentice
Head of the “kill anything that moves” department. He is known for battling pens, toes, bugs, lint, cotton balls, dogs’ tails, dust, and even imaginary foes. If you ask him, he’ll tell you he always wins. We are hoping for the invention of some sort of “kitty Ritalin” (Kitalin ™) so we can get some sleep. Most of his battles take place at night.


Name: Bub
Job Title: Temp, former Spy
Bub is on injured reserve at the moment, battling a broken leg. She is doing well, and will come out swinging pretty soon. She is skilled in paw-to-mouse combat, and will likely serve to put Nic in his place when the time comes. She is a former spy, turned to the good side.


Name: Code Names Unknown
Job Title: Spies
We named them just to differentiate them. Of course, being spies, they have super secret code names that only they know. We are not sure of their true identities or purposes. They come and go, very stealthily. I have seen them frequent the neighbor farms, spreading our secrets and collecting information. We know that they do not like Egyptian Cotton Sheets or other excessive pamperings.


Name: B.B.
Job Title: Spy
B.B. is the mother spy. She is very well traveled and worldly. I have seen her out and about over a mile away. She lived at our farm before we moved in.


Name: Mark
Job Title: Spy Baby
Mark is an embedded spy. He lives here pretty permanently, in the barn. Mark enjoys hanging out under the horse feeders, looking for mice. He is often successful at finding them. Mark’s name is Mark because he has a gray mark on his side. All the spies look so similar!


Name: Tippy
Job Title: Spy Baby
So named because of his white tipped tail, he is also a spy. We see him every few days, lurking about around feeding time, no doubt ready to share some juicy secret with the other spies over a bowl of cat food.


Name: Major
Job Title: Big Bad Biter
King of Sass, Chief Cheek, Toothy Terror. He is the big, bad stallion. Or, the big sissy, depending on how you look at it. In this photo, he is showing off his gleaming smile. Like all men, Major thinks that he is King of his Domain, but alas, he is just the Court Jester. His favorite things to do are smelling where the mares have been, eating hay and yelling at his peeps when they do not serve him as expected. He also likes to be walked like a dog, and has fun coming up to the back door and playing “Avon Stallion.” He also enjoys trips down the driveway to the mailbox.


Name: Kitten
Job Title: Farm Parliamentarian
Keeper of the rules. No deviation from the rules is permitted. Kitten is a big love, but don’t request a rule change, or prepare to be kicked. Kitten rules with an iron hoof. Kitten likes to eat hay and hang out.


Name: Cleo
Job Title: Love Ambassador
Cleo is sweet, kind, and gentle. She tries to break the rules now and again, just to keep Kitten on her hooves. It works! Cleo is Kitten and Major’s daughter. Cleo’s favorite activity is running around the pasture bucking and farting.