Venting

a day from hell.

is the recap done yet?
is your report finished?
did you send the documents out?
have you reviewed the files?
did you get the proposals?
have you send the invoices?

no, no and NO. i am waiting for you.
and him, and her.

there is only one of me.
there is work for four of me.

i arrive home to peace.
few expectations
easy to meet, mostly requests for food.
from furry four-legged and fleshy two-legged kids.
i can do that.
i can do it now, even!
cross that off the list.

most days i love my job.
some days i loathe it.

i love what i do, but i sometimes hate the parameters placed upon me.
get it all done-- someone else's way.
stifled creativity. stifled learning. stifled credit.

at my house i can do it my way.
and everyone thrives.

i wish i could make a living here at home.
caring for creatures
watching them thrive from my attention and love.

being interrupted only by the woodpeckers, tapping me a morse code message
that spring is here and we should all be happy.
the swallows scolding me for coming too close to their babies.
the horses for keeping them too far from each other.
the stars reminding me that this sacred ground was here long before me, and will be here long after i am gone.

my deadlines are twice a day, 5:30 am feeding and 5:30 pm feeding.
oh, and the 8:30 tuck-in.

they are grateful. they are kind-- and forgiving when i am late (after the requisite scolding)

they demand nothing except that for which i have made them depend on me-- food, clean quarters, water.

they are pure souls, no malice, no hatred, no hidden agendas.
ready to give me the benefit of the doubt.
ready to give me a purr, a lick, a ride.

they only seek what their instincts dictate: food and sex.
they have no secrets about that, they are not sorry, they ask for no favors.
no need to do it their way.
my way is fine. my judgement is best.

i am lucky.
i am so loved, so appreciated by my family
by those who matter.
by those who depend on me for what really matters.
i deliver.
and it is they who define my worth-- what makes my soul sing. what gets me up every morning.
i am lucky because i have them to love.

i am lucky because i have work.
i can pay for my home
and my friends' food and water
and bedding
some have nothing. no job, no friends
nobody to miss them all day
nobody to look for their car after work
nobody to love them back.
i am blessed, i have it all.

but today, just let me vent.