The Joneses

M has met a wonderful girl, also with similar developmental issues, and they see each other weekly in a social skills group. The two have just gravitated toward each other, and are now officially “best friends.” This is fantastic; we are thrilled to see this friendship!

When we take M, I usually sit and discuss parenting a child with special needs with the girl’s mother. The family is from an affluent suburb—pretty much the same area from which we moved. They have the McMansion (my term of endearment for the cookie-cutter tract house from which we moved—by no means a “mansion”, however), and the clothes, and the cars, and the other accoutrements of a well-manicured lifestyle. The Joneses, those folks with whom we spent much time trying to keep up, have nothing on this family.

So, when the girls wanted to get together at our house, I was a little nervous. I mean, what would they think? The woman already told me she was a self-proclaimed neat freak, and she is a stay-at-home mom, so she has the time to devote to keeping her house absent of the cobwebs and dust bunnies that free-range in my house. The little girl would likely not notice, but how could the mom come over without noticing? I did explain a little about how we came to live “so far out” from the metro, as she questioned. And I did tell her that I used to be a neat freak, until I landed my ass in therapy for my borderline OCD over neatness.

So it wasn’t like she wasn’t warned.

And all morning yesterday, as I am trying to look at things from a fresh perspective (That plug is dusty! There are spots on the bathroom mirror!), I asked my self repeatedly: WHY DO YOU CARE? WHY DO YOU SEEK APPROVAL? SO WHAT IF THEY THINK YOU’RE CRAZY/TRASHY/MESSY/(INSERT OTHER HUMILIATING ADJECTIVE HERE)? I kept wondering why? I mean, I have a lot of friends. A lot of supportive friends. I don’t have to defend my move or my animals or my cobwebs to them at all. I have a huge family that is likewise supportive of our decision. I don’t even have time for another friend, let alone a high-maintenance one!

I still have not answered the questions I asked myself, but I did make peace with the fact that maybe she would judge me and maybe she would think it was messy. I just welcomed them heartily and invited them in.

And you know what? She loved it. She LOVED it! She said that she really loved the house, and thought the walls were cool as-is (as other people have said, it looks like an Italian villa). We had a lovely conversation, and the girls played and had a great time. She even loved the animals, and fawned all over Cindi.

Maybe at some point, the Joneses will be trying to keep up with me. Good luck to ‘em, I think they would have trouble with the goats in the McMansions. Hell, even Paris Hilton is having trouble.