Small Talk

Do you have trouble making small talk? What IS small talk?

It has been quite the obsession around our home today. When you have a child with autism, the importance of (and the ability to make) small talk is not easily grasped.

Church is a great place to practice small talk. That’s not to say that you can’t discuss heavy issues with your church friends, or go to your clergy person with an intense problem to sort out. However, after church, when you’re sitting around having coffee and a donut, that’s not the time to bring out the family skeletons for dusting and cleaning.

Acceptable small talk:
The weather
The flowers in your garden this year
How one’s children/grandchildren are doing
How good the coffee/juice/donut tastes
The yield on your crops/vegetable garden
Latest animal antics at our farm


Unacceptable small talk:
Announcing that we have 19 cats inside (a lie)
Communicating your mother was running around with leopard print pajama pants threatening to wear said outfit to church
Pointing out to your co-conversant that it’s likely that she is the oldest member of the church
Pointing out to someone that they have a stain on their clothes
Declaring the food/drink awful
Telling fellow church members that we never pray (a lie)
Sharing that your grandfather is getting a divorce from his second wife
Announcing to everyone that you are rich
Sharing your feelings that your classroom teacher is annoying

Yes, please take a moment to commiserate with me: picture me, with my imaginary shovel, digging my imaginary hole in the tiled church floor, wanting to crawl deep into the hole and never come out again.

When I had kids, I thought they came with an owner’s manual. I know I’ve moved a lot, but I always registered my change of address with the post office. I never got a manual. Does anyone have one I can borrow? I’ll even take an emailed PDF copy.

I really need to go back and read the directions, because I think I’m doing this all wrong.